Guess who’s back? (and in a different country!)

Hola everybody! 
Forgot about this website for a while but I’m back. Now time to fill you guys up on my OH SO INTERESTING life. Just kidding, these past few months have been pretty hectic. Jacob and I have been ehh. He doesn’t seem to care much anymore, which made me think there was another girl in the picture but according to him, there isn’t. I felt so insecure to the point where I made a tinder and have met some PRETTY INTERESTING guys there. I dont know why it took me SO long to get into the tinder game. It has honestly brought up my self confidence up so much. Besides Jacob, I ended things with my manager who wanted to date me for a year. He would verbally, sexually, and almost physical abuse me and I just couldnt handle it. Tinder was what made me realize as to how much of an idiot i was waiting for him to change. So many guys were wanting to treat me so well and I was waiting for this dumbass to change for me so i could be happy? Like he wouldn’t of changed regardless for me. It felt so great to get rid of the negativity in my life. Slowly things started getting better after that. I’m currently in Ciudad Juarez awaiting to get my permanent residency actually! 12 hour drive was completely amazing! Tomorrow are my biometrics and tuesday is my legit sit down interview which is nerve wrecking. For some reason, I only have 2 guys on my mind from Tinder and that’s Sergio and Ramiro. Ramiro is a hot country Army boy with goals in mind and nothing stopping him from striving from success. Has one son and i guess we can say he is still technically married….but besides that he is really sweet….and caring. He gives me the attention I’ve never gotten which is amazing. Sergio is a sarcastic asshole who I can be myself with. From El Paso and also an soldier boy. He makes me laugh and he is orginally from the valley like myself. He is currently trying to come to ciudad juarez to come see me but who knows how that will go. Will I eventually find love with one of those two? Probably, probably not. Will I possibly fall in love with them even when I shouldnt, hahaha, maybe knowing my stupid heart. I’ll keep you guys updated with my life from now on. Keep dreaming you guys and God bless.

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And My Faith Will Be Made Stronger

As I am sitting here on my bed, the only thing running through my mind is how I let my faith in God fall. Now, if this is a touchy subject for some, feel free to stop reading. If you have doubts about God and what he can do, then I encourage you to keep reading. But one thing I won’t do is shove my beliefs down your throat. I’m not that type of person. But I am the type of person and tell you about how my God has changed my life and brought me to where I am today.
Today I went to church for the first time in months. I’m not gonna lie, I was sitting in the parking lot for about 5 minutes terrified because I didn’t know what to expect. I strained away from God for so long, I went down the wrong path for about a good half year and followed the outside world. I finally got courage to walk into church and I’m not gonna lie, it felt good to be back. Praise and Worship was done, then it came to the bible study and I sat in on the Youth class. The youth were reading from the book of Daniel for the past couple of weeks and today they read about Daniel in the Lion’s Den. So, I’m gonna be honest, I don’t know all the stories in the bible nor have I read the whole bible yet (although that’s on my bucket list). I never heard of this story until tonight. To make a long story short, its about Daniel being thrown into a Lion’s Den because of his faith in God, He prayed to God 3 times a day when he shouldn’t have been doing so. The people who put him there thought that his God wasn’t real and that God wouldn’t of protected him from the hungry lions. Daniel was untouched in that Den. The people who put him there in the Den later got thrown into the Den for false accusations and then they got devoured by the lion instead. (Talk about Karma lol!) Daniel was untouched because he trusted God so much to protect him. He never lost his faith in God. God had a plan that whole entire time! The reason as to why this spoke to me so much is cause I walked away from the path God had set out for me about after I left high school and got my current job. I worked with drinkers, smokers, partiers, etc. I became super close to them and the fact that I was still so little, I thought I wanted to be like them. So carefree, so careless, reckless, I thought they were so much fun. It was fun at first, I’m not going to lie. Then I started talking to the wrong kinds of guys at work (mind you I was still with my current boyfriend at the time) and all those guys just wanted to sleep with me because of my age and appearance. I ended up loving the attention from the guys because cmon, who doesnt love attention now and days. (And before any of you assume, No I didn’t cheat on my boyfriend. Those guys would try to flirt with me at work but I never really gave them the time of day, like I said, i loved the attention only). I ended up loving the outside world more and more than the world with God in it that I forgot all about my Christian life. I stopped talking about my faith in God, I would focus on my popularity and other things that I shouldn’t of been paying attention to. I realized how bad it got when I would cry every single night after work because I was so stressed. It was bad. Being at church today was an eye opener for me. I realized how many people missed me and cared for me when I didn’t care for them while I was away. I realized how rooted in my faith I was before and how its going to take me a while to get back to that level again. I realized that God never left my side this whole entire time even when he should have left in the beginning of my rebellious era. He had a plan this whole entire time. He knew I was going to have a fallout eventually and I believe he made me steer away from his path for a reason. Today, I prayed for my relationship with God to get stronger. For me to be as rooted in Him as I was before. I prayed for Jacob and I, for us to grow stronger as I teach Jacob to walk with the Lord in hopes that it will bring him peace and comfort since he hasn’t been in a church for almost 12 years. I prayed for my family, for good health and good news coming our way soon once we hear about my residency case. And lastly, I prayed for my “friends”, I prayed that God single out the negative ones in my life and removed them so I can get rid of the negativity in my life. I also prayed that God keep safe the good ones in my life who have been there for me during my hard times. I know it will be a long journey. I know there will be hardships on this path again. But I am ready to face them all because I know I have a God who is stronger than any of us can imagine, a God who will protect me from all evil, a God who loved me so much that he died for my sins (which is alot to be honest), and a God who will never leave my side regardless of everything I go through.